Gastroparesis is caused by partial paralysis of the stomach, via damage to the vagus nerve. In many cases this damage is idiopathic, meaning doctors have no idea of what caused it. Mine gastroparesis has earned itself that idiopathic label. But as I’ve been feeling worse, I’ve been looking into causes and symptoms of vagus nerve damage and think that the damage to my vagus nerve might be more extensive then just in the region of my stomach.
According to the Medline Plus definition autonomic neuropathy is a collection of symptoms resulting from damage to nerves in the autonomic nervous system. Chief among these nerves is the vagus nerve. And I have many of the symptoms listed on the Medline Plus site. It would explain why my pupils are occasionally different sizes, why I physically startle at even the tiniest things (like the windshield wipers I just turned on, or someone sneezing), my heat intolerance, my “not asthma, asthma”/breathing suppression, why I don’t notice I need to pee until I almost can’t hold it, why I choke on my spit so easily and feel like something is stuck in my throat sometimes, and why I sweat like I need to cure the drought.
Which, if is the case, what caused my vagus nerve to be so damaged? It seems awfully widespread to be caused by the degeneration in my cervical spine- but could that be it? Could I actually be hopeful that I could address my cervical spine (which up to this point has been blown off) and maybe fix some problems? Or should we be looking more closely for something else that could be causing damage? I really don’t think my vagus nerve is just going to become damaged without some sort of cause…
But of course all of this requires I talk to my doctor about it- and I honestly don’t know if I have that kind of strength right now.
I hate bringing something up and getting blown off. Having tests come back repeatedly showing nothing. I hate breaching a subject and feel like I’m being judged for not being satisfied with the diagnosis I already have- like I’m seeking out more, when I really just feel like something is still unaccounted for, still missing, from the “what is wrong with me” puzzle. I hate the vulnerability of not being able to do anything if my doctor doesn’t agree with me and turns down my request for more tests or when a specialist declares they’ve done all they can for me and won’t see me again. I have insurance, I have money, I am desperately trying to do everything I can to get better, so why are you making this so difficult? Why are there so many gatekeepers in medicine, whom I must prove I’m worthy to be seen by, to be taken seriously by, to be believed?
Apparently I need to discuss this with my therapist on Wednesday. Hopefully then I’ll be able to approach it with my internist and maybe get back to the neurologist. Maybe then we’ll make some more headway and I won’t feel like my world is always collapsing on me.
Maybe.
the best liar you know 