Mother’s Day

I posted this on Twitter first, but I’m posting it here too.

“Did not expect an overwhelming sadness ab not being preg &having a baby this Mother’s Day. Cool.Thks #depression & uterus for that blindside”

Apparently I am really struggling with that today, and am going to need to spend a significant amount of time distracting myself from it.

I know I’m not well enough to take care of myself, and my pets, let alone be pregnant and take care of an infant, but that doesn’t stop that deep, consuming, desire to want to be pregnant right now. I don’t just want to be a mother, I desperately want to be pregnant, to give birth. The whole deal. I’ve thought about it before, and if that doesn’t happen for me- if I can’t get pregnant, then I can never go the surrogate route. That would kill me. I could adopt, but not an infant. For some reason it is integral to me to go through the whole pregnancy, to go through nursing. I can’t explain it and it certainly doesn’t agree with my rational thinking, but it is there and I do recognize it.

So for everyone else struggling with deep seated emotions today, and the likely fall out that will follow for the next few days, know you aren’t alone. I’m there with you.

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