Just in Time

I am in pain. Like someone has beaten my entire body with a nerf bat.
It isn’t the old, familiar pain of my endo and adeno; no, I am actually quite happy to report that my pelvis only very rarely gets any of that deep burning, stabbing, cramping pain. And I wouldn’t rate this pain at anything over a 4. But it’s gotten pretty constant, and every inch of me is both stiff and tense. I don’t think my amitryptaline is working very much anymore. I’m having trouble sleeping, no longer craving carbs (not that I’ll complain on that one), wading through brain-fog, and getting ocular flashes again; plus the pain. I guess its time to call Dr. B. Too bad it couldn’t hold off until closer to Feb. 10 when I was scheduled for my follow up with her.

And all just in time for the next semester to start. Great.

So easy to forget.

It’s so easy to forget just how much pain you were in. You’d think when you were in severe pain, or pain every moment of your life, it’d be something you’d recall easily, but it’s not. Once you get a taste of what it’s like to be pain free, or really, just in less pain) you quickly forget how hard it was.

I noticed this before I was in constant pain- when I’d have two weeks of horrendous period related pains and then be pain free for two weeks. It was like every time my period came around, I was floored- not just from the pain but that I’d just done this two weeks before. Like my body was tricking me, to make it not seem so bad, until it was here again.

After my surgery most of my constant abdominal pain was gone, or greatly diminished. I started noticing my joints, all over my body, really hurt- especially when it turned cold, and my ocular migraines were picking up in frequency again. Dr. B prescribed me amitriptyline; 25mg before bed each night. And that really helped. I’ve had two ocular migraines since I started the amitriptyline two months ago (two months ago tonight, actually!), and much of my joint pain and body aches were reduced.

That is, until recently.

The sharp stabbing pain in my lower right quadrant has returned. I think it might be ureter pain, since its the same pain as before surgery and clearly wasn’t resolved with the excision done in that area (right uterosacral ligament; although my hip had been feeling better!). And the fatigue has been creeping back into my life. This past week, my uterus has been crampy and angry. It’s an awful beast. Even on letrazole and progestin I spot every day, and for the past few days have been spotting pretty heavily with pain shooting down my right leg and cramping. I’m blaming the full moon.

I forgot just how bad I could feel. I crawled into bed the other day, curled tightly into a ball, and though “and this is only part of what I was dealing with a few months ago. HOW DID I DO IT?”

It’s so easy to forget how much pain we’ve be in. Sadly, it’s just as easy to forget how we were able to deal with that pain.

In closing, although my new year has started off painfully, I hope it has been relatively pain free for you.